How to become a grown-up in 468 easy(ish) steps.


Hi lovelies,

As a thank you for your continued support, I wanted to share an advanced excerpt from my new book Gracious before it hits bookshelves on April 4th. 

Hope you enjoy!



24th Feb 2017 22 notes , Comments
Loving this gracious offer in the ladies’ room at @the_blacksheeppubandrestaurant. Bars: this is what y'all can and should do. (xpost @thegraciousbook) (at The Black Sheep Pub & Restaurant)

Loving this gracious offer in the ladies’ room at @the_blacksheeppubandrestaurant. Bars: this is what y'all can and should do. (xpost @thegraciousbook) (at The Black Sheep Pub & Restaurant)

21st Feb 2017 347 notes , Comments

Notice how you talk to yourself, because more than likely, it’s awful

And now, a little snippet of the new book:

Spend a day just listening to your internal monologue. If it helps, and there is no one around you (or they’re super cool and you explain ahead of time what you’re doing), say it out loud. Every thought you have about yourself.

• Why aren’t you doing your work? You are so lazy.

• Oh, you have a UTI? Wah wah, no one cares.

• You’re sad about this? The same thing you’ve been sad about for months? Pathetic.

Would you say these things to a dear friend? Would you say them to a coworker? Would you say them to someone you absolutely loathed?

I sincerely hope not, because that would be cruel and completely unacceptable as a form of human interaction. Here, I will pause to remind you that you are, in fact, a human. Self-abuse is still abuse.

My friend Jo once told me something that I still think about, something that feels like complete audacity to even attempt, but I wish I would.

We were talking with a few other friends about the ways we hurt ourselves. She said that for the past five years, she has been working on treating herself like her soulmate. She says she tries to make decisions for herself out of love, never fear or pride; that even when she doesn’t feel like it, she works hard to bestow upon herself the affection, goodwill, and support that she would her own beloved.

You will always be with yourself. You will change and learn and grow but will never be someone other than who you are. You are your own Wilson, Tom Hank’s sole companion in 2000’s survival epic Cast Away.

Like every other human being on the planet, there are fantastic and wonderful things about you, and there are things you can work on. But as long as you’re doing your best — and most of us are at least trying, most of the time — then you should think about cutting yourself some slack when things don’t go exactly as you hoped they would or work out perfectly in your favor. It is about as useful as expecting, through the magical power of self-doubt and anger, that you will wake up one day able to fly.

21st Feb 2017 998 notes , Comments


Feeling lucky? Goodreads is giving away a copy of my new book, Gracious: A Practical Primer on Charm, Tact, and Unsinkable Strength. Enter to win here!

17th Feb 2017 28 notes , Comments

So excited to announce my second book, GRACIOUS, out April 4th through Rodale! It is available now for pre-order on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

11th Jan 2017 176 notes , Comments


9th Nov 2016 681 notes , Comments


what do we do if Donald Trump wins?: a lefty primer (not really a primer because that makes it sound fancier than it really is but also w/e; also, if you have other suggestions on surviving and resisting, feel free to add them!)

1. support the marginalized people around you. ask them what they need, how you can be there for them. if you need support, ask. people who love one another strengthen one another. 

2. get prepared to vote in every non-presidential election that will be open to you. many things are decided at the state and local levels, like school policy and funding, marijuana legalization, issues about gentrification, creation of community review boards for police brutality, etc - just to list things that were votable on my ballot today. also, make sure to vote in 2018 in congressional races! most national policy is determined by the house and senate, so this is massively important.

3. organize. find the thing your heart is telling you is so important to work on, whether that’s Black Lives Matter or standing with Standing Rock or immigration rights or LGBTQ rights or something else - find that thing, find someone who does something about it, and get involved. it doesn’t have to be big; nobody’s asking you to go to one meeting and then do arrestable actions. send a postcard to a representative. show up to a march for an hour or so. maybe make some posters or flyers to hang up around your campus. educate your friends and family on what you believe. 

4. stay safe. there are some of us who will be at far more risk under a Trump administration than will others. if you’re one of those people, please be careful. find allies who are less in danger and can help amplify your ideas. and everyone, everyone - take care of your own physical and mental health. we can’t create a world of respect, community, and safety by refusing to apply those principles to how we treat ourselves.

(via bessibel)

9th Nov 2016 12,272 notes , Comments
This is how you write a fucking letter to the editor.

This is how you write a fucking letter to the editor.

13th Oct 2016 1,084 notes , Comments

Of course tumblr is mad at you.

—My friend Cat throws out what is, upon reflection, a pretty good slogan for the site

17th Jul 2016 338 notes , Comments




n. A feminist who staunchly embodies a feminine aesthetic but thinks, acts and behaves however they see fit.

QUESTION! Is this a thing, and if not, can this be a thing? My feminism is quite feminine, and I would like this to be a thing.

No. There’s already a word for this idea: feminist.
All you’re trying to do with this is reinforce the already accepted cultural belief that feminists cannot and do not want to present as overtly feminine. This is incorrect.
Being a feminists allows you to be whatever you want to be already. The word and idea already exists. No need to bastardise it to try and separate yourself as something “other” or “more”. That is the anthesis of the feminism you already seem to identify with.

Oh! I didn’t mean to be divisive, just wondering if there’s a soft power, crone wisdom, will tell you go to fuck yourself in the most polite terms, takes exquisite and unending delight in pretty things strain of feminism. Definitely not trying to undermine anyone else’s feminism. Just talking about mine, here.

(via coffeeandmarigolds)

17th Jul 2016 232 notes , Comments